Hello, my friend! How are you?

It's been a while! I hope you had a wonderful summer and are enjoying the transition to fall, wherever you are. Here in the Okanagan, the salmon are spawning, and the air has a smoky haze due to several fires nearby. And yet, the cooler nights coupled with the still-warm days have been very welcome.

In this month's newsletter, I share some personal news and offer some helpful resources on grief.

This month's content:

What happened to me this summer
Resources for coping with grief

But first: an admin task:

As a reminder, I have changed up how I do newsletters. Going forward, the purpose of this newsletter is to bring you health tips, information, special offers, and personal stories I don't share anywhere else. This is intended to enhance the experience for patients working with me + provide plenty of value for non-patients too.

**For clinic updates (price updates, move notifications, etc), I have a separate mailing list. To be added to this list, simply reply to this email requesting to be added.

What happened to me this summer?

After a rapid and sudden acceleration of his long-standing cancer, I'm sad to report that my father passed away on June 9. Our family had 3 days notice that he was going to die. Prior to confirmation of my father's imminent death, I (like many of you) was busy navigating the medical system, trying to help my dad access the imaging and testing he needed to figure out why his health had taken such a rapid turn for the worst, and what his prognosis might be. There was a generally stress-inducing lack of answers and information coupled with occasional bursts of false hope. We experienced first-hand many of the shortcomings of the current medical system. I gained a whole new understanding of the difficulty facing older individuals with complex health problems, which may or may not be terminal.

This experience reinforced my passion for writing a book designed to empower patients seeking the medical care they deserve. Empowering my patients to advocate for the health care they need is something I do daily, but I'm recognizing the quest to improve the doctor-patient relationship and subsequent health care outcomes needs to be on a much greater scale. I had already started work on this book project prior to my dad's sudden illness, but now the fire in me on this topic burns much brighter. More on this later.

My dad's death was the first BIG death I've had to process––one that directly affected my life, my ability to work, and my "life" schedule. I navigated so many things for the first time, relatively blindly: planning a funeral, writing an obituary, handling personal belongings. This project is on-going. Meanwhile, I tried to continue to be present for my patients and tend to ongoing home renovation projects. It was a big doozy of a summer, and I know many of you reading this can relate.

I've reflected frequently on what I can possibly offer from this experience that could be helpful. I suppose I have a few "take-home" lessons to share from my experience so far:

1. When life turns upside down, respond to yourself lovingly, and be unapologetic about this

I will admit that "responding to myself lovingly" is something I have to work at, like any other human. This is especially difficult for those of us who are people pleasers and who have always felt responsible for others. After my dad died, I didn't know how much time to book off work, or how much I might need, so I booked off 2 weeks, with the caveat that I would give myself more time off on an as-needed basis. However, I noticed that work days felt very overwhelming to me and it would take me hours to complete even small tasks, so I continued to give myself extra time off on an as-needed basis simply to create some stillness for myself to feel my feelings. It's difficult to do this. Even I felt guilty for taking time for my grief. Many of us are not good at taking care of ourselves and we come up with many excuses for why we must "power through," how many people need us to show up for them, how it's selfish to take time for ourselves, etc... Sound familiar?

The need to take time for yourself when you are processing a big loss or grief is non-negotiable. "Staying busy" will only delay the processing that must happen. Read that again: the processing must happen and you must take the time you need for this. Taking care of others will be much easier when you give yourself the care you need first.

The concept of self-compassion is responding lovingly to yourself as you would to a friend going through a similarly difficult time. When you find yourself struggling, ask yourself what you would do or say to a friend in the same boat, and then offer that to yourself.

2. Whatever happens in the grief process is allowed and normal

Everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to do this. There is no timeline. I noticed that I was very good at getting into "business mode" when needed - planning, making decisions, etc. But I had to intentionally create space for "feeling mode." I would allow myself to feel into my pain while out on a walk or while sitting and staring at the wall. I found peace in noticing the beauty in nature and comfort in hugging my dogs. I found myself talking to my dad out loud. I noticed a tendency to self-isolate from friends, coupled with a need to be with people during other times. I noticed that if I didn't have enough space for my feelings I could feel pressure building inside of me, like a pressure cooker, and this would be my sign that I needed a time out. The big ask is to listen to what you need and to respond to your needs with love.

3. You must go with the flow

There's no fighting it––life will continue to bring surprises to all of us at unexpected times. We must learn to adapt to these changes as they come. For me, books on self-help and spirituality have always been extremely helpful. Other strategies include optimizing sleep, eating nourishing food, staying hydrated, leaning on friends, family, and therapists, and maintaining physical exercise. I found swimming in the lake always felt like a good reset on my nervous system. Cold showers or placing a cold cloth on your forehead or back of your neck are similar ways to achieve this.

There's a lot of comfort to be had by exploring spirituality during times of grief and loss. Whatever your spiritual beliefs, diving into your faith or belief system and soaking in the wisdom found there that pertains to grief and loss can offer deep comfort. If you don't know what you believe, it can be a beautiful time of spiritual exploration that can contribute significantly to your natural evolution and personal development.

Some of the resources & strategies I've found helpful to support recovery from grief:

Books:

The Grief Recovery Handbook by James and Friedman

Outrageous Openness by Tosha Silver

Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss

Good Grief by Theresa Caputo

Mantras and Affirmations:

Mantras for Letting Go of Guilt in Rest

Rest is not weakness—it is medicine for my heart and body.
I give myself permission to pause and breathe.
Taking care of myself honours the memory of my loved one.
I am allowed to set down what feels heavy, even just for today.
Healing takes time, and rest is part of healing.
My worth is not measured by productivity.

Affirmations for Navigating Grief

Grief is love that has nowhere else to go. I honour it with compassion.
It is okay to laugh, to cry, or to feel nothing at all—every feeling belongs.
I am learning to carry this loss with gentleness.
I do not need to “get over” grief. I will move forward at my own pace.
I trust my body to show me what it needs in this season of loss.

Affirmations of Permission

I give myself permission to rest without guilt.
I give myself permission to grieve in my own way.
I give myself permission to feel joy, even in sorrow.
I give myself permission to receive care from others.
I give myself permission to let go of “shoulds” and simply be.

Herbs & Supplements:

Lavender
Lemon Balm
Passionflower
Electrolytes
Magnesium
B vitamins (ex. B Complex)
CBD
Valerian
5-HTP
Ashwagandha
Rhodiola
Motherwort
St. John's Wort
L-theanine

Life Practices:

Deep breathing
Journaling
Singing, sighing, yelling
Regular movement / exercise
Working with a counsellor / therapist
Time with animals
Time in nature
Massage
Acupuncture
Cleaning and organizing your space
Taking time to rest - as much as you need
Eating healthy food
Staying hydrated

Do you have more resources to share that have been helpful for you? If so, please send them my way and I can share these along in a future newsletter.

That's all for this month! Hopefully you are not currently processing deep grief, but please feel free to tuck this newsletter away somewhere as a future reference, or share it with someone who needs it.

Sending you and your beautiful heart lots of love this fall.

Links & More About Me

Psst!!

If you're in BC and looking for a personal health detective, I'd be happy to do my utmost to support you. Simply click below to book an appointment or a discovery call.

www.okanagannaturopath.com

Book Appointment

hello@drericavolk.com

Tel: 778.760.3400 Fax: 844.991.3601

1025 Tamarack Drive | Kelowna, BC | V1X 1E3